I wanted to talk a little bit about my ‘why’…WHY I became a health coach & what fuels my passion to help others.
I did a LIVE awhile back on our Facebook Page that covered this but I feel that sometimes it helps to write about it. So in case you are new to meeting me, I am in recovery from an Eating Disorder. Now I know that this may sound strange...we usually assoicated the word ‘recovery’ with drug & alcohol addictions. And our co-owner Eric does the Recovery Coaching for the business. But today we are going to talk about Eating Disorder Recovery.
I always had a terrible issue with my self-esteem and how I looked. I was heavier in middle school and then continued to have a distorted body image even after losing weight in high school which was when I developed my eating disorder that continued with me through most of college.
And I found that as I became more insightful about it (I picked this topic for every single research project throughout school if I Was able to) that it absolutely became not as much about controlling my weight, but used as a means to control everything around me during a period of time that I felt as though I had no control.
It honestly sucked, and I hated it. I hated it yet for some reason it gave me a feeling of peace because for that small window of time I felt like I had a little bit of control over something in my life. And although I was able to get past that terrible phase, I still consider myself in recovery from it.
So over the years I’ve worked really hard in creating ways that work for me including recipes that allow me to feel like I am eating all the ‘good stuff’ but that is actually fueling my body. And I want to help others who suffer from these issues, to help them understand that someone else DOES get it. That someone else has been there and wants to help them. To give others the tools that have worked for me that have helped me in overcoming it. In fact, back in high school I bought a self-help book (my first one ever) that was helping overcoming eating disorders. I used a decorative bag to cover it and carried it everywhere with me. I still have that book. I still look at that book from time to time when I need a reminder of where I was and how far I have come.
See there’s a thing that I feel happens when you develop an eating disorder within our mind. We can continue to become easily triggered even after years of keeping it at bay. Small cues sneak up on us or maybe we are going through a chaotic period of our lives and for whatever reason that’s what pops up in our mind. I am STILL learning how to idenitfy triggers whether they are environmental, emotional, or even food.
And it’s difficult when others don’t understand. Just like mental illness or drug addiction they don’t understand how powerful it can be and how even their words can act as a trigger. I’ve heard a lot “I don’t know why you worry about your weight, you’re so skinny”, OR being told that I need to GAIN weight (That’s a huge one for me, I literally get a loathing feeling inside when someone says that to me). Because I have worked so hard in overcoming my eating disorder and changing my mindset and behaviors to a lifestyle that facilitates health and fitness to keep my triggers at bay as much as possible. I know exactly what will trigger me and therefore I work really hard to not allow that to happen; or at least as making it less powerful than it may have once been. I make my decisions based off of what is best for me and my recovery.
Having a history of an unhealthy relationship with food & your body image can be consuming if you allow it. Overcoming it can feel impossible because well…we NEED to eat and we don’t always want to live off of salads right?! And how I was, was that even eating too much of a super HEALTHY food could easily trigger me. It was a never-ending roller coaster that I felt like I could never get off. When I finally was able to find relief…I got a tattoo to remind myself of my journey. To help give me strength when I felt weak. That although I may be struggling; I would never quit.
“Being strong isn’t being able to starve yourself for three weeks. Being strong is being able to get out of your eating disorder and becoming healthy, even when the voice in your head won’t let you. Ignoring this voice, , IS being the strongest, so don’t ever give up”
So if you struggle. Reach out. If not to me then a friend or support person who can help you. I am not a nutritionist or registered dietician. I won’t pretend to know everything but I will promise you that I am someone who understands the emotional hardships that emotional eating and eating disorders can cause. It is probably one of the main reasons that I became a health coach…to help others who are tired from it all. Who want to feel happy and confident with themselves and develop a better more healthy relationship with themselves and food.
Much Love,
Brittany C.
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